Angry Bomber Fans

Jul 27

3 Things

by Tony “Tee” Martin

3 Things I Like About the Blue & Gold After Week 4 

1. Steven Jyles - With only one pro start and more time with a clipboard than he was probably comfortable with, Jyles stepped up against Edmonton. While he did throw a couple picks (19-35), he was able to make plays with his feet and proved (at least for one game), that the Blue and Gold could have an effective one/two punch at QB position.

2. Lots of Pressure on Ricky Ray - The mighty D had three sacks on the first three possessions. They also ran back an interception for a touchdown. That’s the type of start and intensity they need every game.

3. Special teams unit - Not only did Jovon Johnson run back a punt 83 yards for the first kick return touchdown of the season, he probably would have run back a missed field goal if the blocks would have been there. On the other side of the ball, the special teams unit looked solid after stumbling out of the gate the first two games.

3 Thinks I Am Not Impressed With After Week 4

1. Where is Fred Reid? After an explosive season last year, Reid has been largely ineffective. While his number haven’t been terrible (16-69 against Edmonton),  he is going to have to break a few big plays for the Bombers to have any chance to move the ball and open up the field.

2. 500 Record. Although the Blue and Gold are now 500, they easily could have been 3-1 or even 4-0 if they had played to their potential. With Toronto playing well and Montreal doing what they normally do, the boys on Maroon’s Road are going to have to step it up. They can’t fall back into old patterns and they need to play every game like it’s their last.

3. Where is Terrence Edwards? #82 is going to have to get his hands on the ball a lot more frequently if the Blue are going to be success. Not sure if it is a case of him not getting open, the defence playing him tight or the QBs just not getting him the ball. Hopefully he can turn things around this week.
Go Blue!

Jul 25

Beer Snake Lives!

Jul 24

Why Don’t You Smell What You’ve Been Shoveling

By Mike Alexander

Ever get the feeling of deja-vu? Of course you do. Do you recall the last time the hair on your hairs stood up on end on your arm at the realization that you were completely and utterly lost and unable to find your destination? And worse, had no idea how to access the tools required to get to your destination? I have.

I was in a van driving overnight from a city called Pardubice in the Czech Republic on route to the western edge of Poland. It was something like a 14 or 15 hour drive and we were only a few hours in at about 3:30 AM when I awoke in the back seat to the sound of the van making its way through a bumpy dirt road, apparently in the back of someone’s farmland. Totally off the map. In the front of the van, the driver and the navigator in the front seat anxiously discussed our reality at that moment. Some facts being thrown around involved our GPS unit failing us and not taking into account some road construction. Other points that came up included a strong sentiment agreed by both parties that we would likely end up with our van being commandeered by insane Polish thugs with pistols. People in our van seemed almost resigned to the fact that we were going to be shot multiple times in the face. We took turns assuring each other that our bodies would be thrown in a ditch and left undiscovered for several months. It was a strange time to remember that I was as far away from home as I had ever been and that no one was going to help us out of our situation. Picturing a gruesome murder in a strange land seemed to make as much sense as any other situation that rattled around inside our disturbed brains. And why not? Literally dozens of people are routinely abducted, mutilated, robbed and executed all over the world for reasons that never make any sense to the rest of us. We are honest people that have clean drivers abstracts, who eat balanced meals and who usually do not need to apply for bail while hazily viewing the world through a black eye and cracked rib having been lead down the brightly lit and cold corridors of your local drunk tank.

These scenarios are real and happen to all kinds of people all over the world. These are terrible images and frightening scenarios that best be drilled into the memory banks of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers who are in need of a dire warning of bad things to come should they fall to a 1-3 record tonight at home against the Edmonton Eskimos.

No one here is sounding any alarms just yet. So let me be the first. Failure to dominate the 0-3 Eskimos tonight will likely allow for a gruesome autopsy of a failing team to be on display for all to see in gory detail after tonight. You will feel the same dread and horror that you felt last year and the year before that. It’s awful to contemplate. No one in Winnipeg is up for the task of sitting back and dejectedly watching Ricky Ray find his receivers and chew up the field unobstructed by and injury plagued and stagnant defense, coached by Kavis Reed, a fucking relic and chronic bore who has never been very good at his job. Him and his goddamn lousy schemes and terrible coverage concepts.

But here under a summer sky, from comfortable vantage points at the beach, the cabin, on decks and on patios, it’s easy for us all to shrug our sun baked and possibly burned and tumor-infested shoulders. The Bombers after all, are only 1-2 and hey, lots of teams go 1-2. So what if the team has no composure, possesses troublesome instincts and suffers from a lack of consistency. It’s July and we’re hot and enjoying beer, and staying the fuck out of town whenever we get the chance.

But what I life in Winnipeg really hasn’t changed this year? What if it turned out that we’re starting our fifth or sixth quarterback in two years tonight? Who have we gone through recently? Gone are Dinwittie, LeFors, Bishop and now Buck Pierce, out with a knee injury for an indeterminate amount of time. So that puts Steven Jyles at the helm.

Steven Jyles. Since finding himself outside looking in at the NFL, he quietly headed north and has been warming up benchs and cleaning the work of other people on three teams. In the last five years, he has been a starter only twice. Does this sound familiar? It should because we have seen the likes of Steven Jyles before.

What is the value of a team that has not won a league championship in 20 years? Within such an organization, you find that faces come and faces go without much by way of fanfare. A lot of people stand around and never seem to make an impact. A rotating cast in ineffective yahoos dress for games when really all they are is a bunch of armature hour assholes and well-intentioned jerks who can’t catch a ball. With no trade value, it creates a stagnant situation and everyone suffers from a failure to thrive. Repeat this miserable pattern for the next twenty years. Hang head in a familiar sense of disappointment.

Frankly, I have no reason to celebrate the arrival of a second string bench jerk coming into a game against Ricky Ray, a quarterback who has arranged for space to be made for his name at the CFL Hall of Fame at age 30. The man know how to throw a ball and can read a D with ease. With Fred Stamps ready to continue to lead the league in receptions, I can see Stamps finding his rhythm early against Winnipeg defenders.

It’s not that happy a prospect for serious fans of the game to check this one out tonight. The East is being represented by a team that doesn’t usually show up to play until the second half of the game, once it’s out of reach. And the West is offering up a team that requires a Heimlich maneuver every time they are in possession of the ball. It’s a case of dumb and dumber and all bets are off which bow legged and buck tooth sad sack team will emerge the victor.

And so it’s with decidedly low expectations that we head into tonight’s match. They will all say the same thing. They will all say words about promise and potential. It’s a familiar maze that we find ourselves in. We need to start answering questions about stability and consistency. We need to come up with ways to find ourselves and finding focus to win the game both defensively and offensively. We can no longer speak of death and desecration of our own corpses in farmers’ fields with no chance of survival.

Answers are needed. It’s week four in Winnipeg. Wake the fuck up, Blue.

Jul 23

Now That’s Entertainment!!!

by H.F. Salisbury

What a day.  I have it on good authority that the half time show at the Stadium for the Eskimo/Bomber tilt on Saturday is the epically horrible Forklorama “Parade of Nations.”  I also just found out my dog Rover died.  Not sure which one upsets me more.  

No offense to the organizers of Forklorama.  It is a great festival.  But the Parade of Nations is the worst football halftime show ever.  Yeah I said it. I stand by it.  Honestly, do you disagree?  Didn’t think so.  

To whoever plans the halftime entertainment at CanadInns Stadium, please, I’m begging you… bring back the dogs that chase that marker on the motorized wire all over the field.  Now that’s entertainment folks. 

Jul 22

The PacNu Report

Here is the quick and dirty on the CFL.

PacNu called in to say he likes Hamilton’s chances in Montreal and the Alouettes won’t be able to cover the 8.5 point spread.

Over in Toronto, B.C. will cover the 2.5 point spread.

Pac likes Winnipeg at home.

Saskatchewan will cover the 1.5 points in Calgary.

Good luck.

Jul 15

Beer Snake Gonna Knock You Out

By Mike Alexander

I remember the band 9 Shocks Terror. They were a punk rock band from somewhere in Ohio who enjoyed a period of notoriety in the 90’s. They were terribly ugly human beings who churned out disgusting sounds that were fast and upset. I saw them twice in Minneapolis. The first time I saw them was at a venue that had hosted a record swap earlier in the afternoon. At the conclusion of the swap, one of the vendors had left behind a box of about one hundred free 7” records for the taking. The box was full of terrible singles and 45’s that wouldn’t sell for a dime. 9 Shocks Terror took the stage and as they kicked into their first song, someone in the crowd of hundreds decided to grab the box of records, and used one as a Frisbee, throwing it hard at the band. It sailed past the singer harmlessly, but suddenly there was a flurry of action with fans grabbing records and throwing them all over the place. At the band. At the old dudes at the back of the hall. At the sound guy. At people running for cover. The room was full of records flying through the air. These motherfuckers are going to kill someone, I said out loud. The band did nothing to stop this. By the time I looked through a sea of flying vinyl back at the stage, I could tell that the band was cut up and bleeding. They didn’t care. People were enjoying themselves. Suddenly garbage cans of recycling were thrown into the melee and a days’ worth of plastic containers discarded by a few hundred kids added colour to the melee. It was awesome. It was spontaneous. It put smiles on aces and it made me feel alive. As far as I know, no one lost an eye but aside from a few cuts and scrapes, a good time was had by all. Punk rock.

Over at the very serious offices of Winnipeg Blue Bomber management on Maroons, the never-smiling grownups that make important decisions are fuming mad. Since the Bombers’ special teams have decided to sit on the lush fake grass with their thumbs up their asses instead of covering punt returns this year, the Beer Snake has become the only game in town. Beer Snake represents spontaneous and harmless mischief. Beer Snake is a spectacle, a brief reprieve from the action on the field. But what’s this? A couple of dusty old relics and people who should be in a fucking hospice instead of a football game had a few grams of plastic fall on their heads and ran home saying stupid words about class action law suits and tearfully describing the horrendous nature of their near fatal experiences. These are the same people that go camping in Winnebago’s so they can watch re-runs of CSI Miami on their televisions from the safety of their campers in trailer parks. That’s their idea of fun. It misses the point of spending time in the great outdoors altogether, but these terrified people are rabid about the dangers out there in the woods. Beer Snake is so unimportant and yet here we are in this post 9/11 and post beer snake world, where there is no re-entry, no joy, no loud chewing of gum and no staying up after bedtime.

It was club spokesperson Darren Cameron delivering the Beer Snake ban when instead of worrying about such a minor incident, should have been talking about what is going on with some of the worst special teams this city has seen in years. Why is Mike Renault the guy making all the first contact with opposing players? Why can’t players stay in their lanes? What is up with players who have never heard of legal blocks? Why are teams returning punts and missed field goals for major scores?

These aren’t cynical quips from people not privileged enough to have season tickets, these are serious questions about field position that deserve answers. How long does Alexis Serna need to learn how to kick a 42 yard field goal? Between him and his clown car companions who sometimes tee the ball up for him, we can expect to see more of the same garbage this week in Hamilton against the lowly Ti Cats. The Bombers, unable to cover an 11 point spread last week are favored by 3 this week. It’s an outrage. Allowing three kick returns for touchdowns in two games should be the focus here instead of a stack of empty beer cups. Not only does Winnipeg hand over points on these turnovers, but for the first time since last July, Toronto was handed the gift of confidence and allowed to run all over Canad Inns stadium. It was a disgraceful scene that must have appalled Bomber faithful in section S. God bless them for trying to make the most of a disappointing outing on the field. They certainly can’t be blamed for trying to enjoy themselves.

And you know what? Buck Pierce continues to look good. His play calling is excellent. He went 25 for 35 for 366 yards last week. Those are good numbers. He’s a Michael Vick without the partially chewed up and gored dog corpses in his basement. Games in which the QB throws for 300 yards while running on his own for another 100 are supposed to be won. Terrence Jeffers-Harris looked good as well. He has grit and his willingness to make the additional effort will rub off on the rest of the receivers as the year progresses. Winnipeg’s woes last week against the Argos were certainly not the fault of Coach Lapo or Buck Pierce.

It’s 2010 and the team hasn’t arrived yet. It’s more of the same Jekyll and Hyde antics that we’ve all seen way too much of over the years. These painful inconsistencies make one wonder which team is going to show up in Hamilton this week. Do Kevin Glenn and company have enough fire to claw themselves up their first victory of the year on Friday night? You can bet they will show up and make every effort. And why not? There is nothing more fun for Glenn than to take a huge shit on any party we decide to throw in this town.

These are some very serious times in which fun is not part of the marketing strategy for off field shenanigans in Winnipeg. Fair enough. Let the geriatrics have their day. With Beer Snake being poo-poo’d, the focus will shift back the team on the field who in turn, need to start worrying about playing football. Covering returns. Kicking field goals. Enjoying competitive field position. That kind of thing. For me I would be happy to see a marketing strategy that involves cleaning up this mess so that the offense can take their average of 500 yards and 36 points a game and violently stuff it down the throats of other teams around the league. It shouldn’t be hard now that there is no longer a Beer Snake to distract anyone from doing their fucking job. Frankly, I don’t see any reason why Winnipeg can’t take this game by 15 or 20 points. Let’s go Blue.

[video]

Jul 14

Beer Snake Now Extinct

from The Winnipeg Blue Bombers

The Winnipeg Football Club takes a lot of pride in attempting to provide our fans with an enjoyable and memorable game day experience.  After three home games thus far in 2010, we believe our fans have taken notice of the fresh ideas we have implemented as they enter our facility, and of course we will continue to strive to provide entertaining and competitive professional football to our loyal following.

Unfortunately, the Winnipeg Football Club continues to face new challenges with respect to unruly and/or disorderly behavior in the stadium facility during the course of game day. Specifically, this behavior relates to the “beer snake” concept. Regretfully, we witnessed the beer cups being thrown at the conclusion of our home game of July 9th which resulted in several minor injuries to our fans as well as many emails and communications to our office voicing concern and displeasure from our fans.

Management of the Winnipeg Football Club treats any issues concerning the safety and well being of our fans very seriously and as a result and effective immediately; club management will now implement a “zero tolerance” policy. We are committed to providing a safe, comfortable and enjoyable experience and we remind our fans of the policies we currently have in place; 

1. Excessive drinking and/or unruly/illegal behavior will result in ejection and or prosecution of the offender. 
2. Fans using obscene or abusive language/gestures or engaging in any anti-social behavior found offensive to others will face ejection from the stadium. 
3. Smoking is permitted in designated areas only.  Our event staff will be happy to direct you. 
4. Fans throwing objects into the stands or onto the field will immediately be evicted from the stadium and their ticket privileges may be revoked. 
5. Failing to follow instruction of stadium personnel with result in immediate ejection. 
6. FANS ENTERING THE FIELD OF PLAY WILL BE ARRESTED.  For the safety of our players, fans are not allowed to enter the field.  While football is a sport that requires a lot of teamwork, so does spectating.  All fans must work together to make the gameday experience an enjoyable one!

Any guests that choose not to respect the above Code of Conduct Program will be removed from the stadium and will face further disciplinary action which may result in their suspension from attending future Blue Bomber football games.

“We respect the fan base of the Winnipeg Football Club and trust that our fans will understand and respect our desire to provide our fans with the best game day experience possible”, said Bomber President Jim Bell.

Jul 13

5 Things - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

by Tony “Tee” Martin

5 Things I Like About the Blue & Gold After Two Games

1. Buck Pierce - After two games, Pierce is the team’s leading rusher and looks solid in the pocket. Even though he coughed up the ball twice last game, he has been consistent with his throws and is making quick reads. These are two things Bishop had trouble with last year. He has also picked up the Offence Player of the Week after both games. Keep in mind the last time the Bombers had a QB who could run was 16 years ago with Matt Dunigan. Ace of Base “The Sign” was the #1 song of the year and O.J. Simpson dropped a leather glove in Brentwood.

2. Terence Jeffers-Harris - So far, Jeffers-Harris has been the best rookie on the field. He hauled down seven passes and racked up 152 yards for two TDs against the Argos.  A product of  University of Connecticut, and Vanderbilt University, he could be a great find for the Blue if he keeps this up.

3. Paul LaPolice - The rookie head coach has done a good job distancing himself from last year’s regime. He has been positive, but not cocky. He has been tough, but not hotheaded. He has embraced the 80 years of Bomber tradition, but is still making his own mark. Maybe the ghost of Mike Kelly is almost exercised.

4. The new Popcorn Machines -  Finally people in the upper deck don’t have to eat Styrofoam style popcorn that tastes like it was left over from the Jets.

5. The Section S Beer Snake - Already a two game tradition, it is only a matter of time before the meathead security dudes and the suits on Maroons Road shut this down. Doesn’t really jive with the whole “we are trying to cut back on drinking at games” theme the team has been boasting about in the media this year. Does make for great viral marketing on YouTube for Labatts though.

5 Things I Am Not Impressed With After Two Games

1. Special Teams Coverage - 3 run backs in 2 games is almost unheard of in the CFL. Hopefully LaPolice and his coaching staff can make some adjustments or Safeway is going to be giving away a lot of cars and cash this season. You may want to sign up here just in case.

2. Fred Reid - Reid has been largely ineffective over two games and hasn’t really broken any big plays. Last year we all thought it was Mike Kelly’s outdated offence schemes that were hurting the team, hopefully there is not more to it. Let’s pray Reid can turn things up against the Ticats this week. The Blue need a strong running game if they are going to be able to open up the field. It’s not a good sign when your injury prone QB is the leading rusher.

3. Alexis Serna - After missing 3 kicks in the home opener (and the coaching staff blaming it on the long snapper), Serna missed a key forty five yard kick that resulted in a ten point swing in the game and was likely the final nail in the Blue & Gold’s coffin on Friday.

4. Not enough pressure on the QB - Although the D have been solid, they need to put more pressure on the QB and land a few more sacks. The run defence has also been suspect. Cory Boyd lit them up for 109 yards on 19 carries. That’s an average of 6 yards a carry! Reid wishes he could have those type of numbers right now.

5. The basics - Tackling, covering and blocking. While the defence have managed to hold their own, there were way too many missed tackles and blown coverage schemes against Toronto. The Bombers play best when they are dishing out smashmouth football, they haven’t been doing that…yet.

Go Blue!

Jul 12

M.I.A. (or “Bomber Nation Starts Anew”)

by H.F. Salisbury

Bomber Nation.  Celebrating its 80th year of history.  Like any pro sports franchise, there have been ups and downs.  Just as many excuses as well.  Actually the excuses to downs ratio is usually about 3:1. 

Of late, I’ve had a surprising number of people who know me ask why I have not written any Angry Bomber Fan columns yet.  Apparently people really look forward to my rants.  Although they may not know my real name, they know me by my nom de plume H.F. Salisbury.  

Well sorry I’ve been M.I.A. folks.  Lots on the go.  Just like the Bombers I’ve got excuses as well.  Been to Montreal, Minneapolis, Mexico, surfing, gigging, a little competition known as the world cup (or English Football you prefer) captured my attention, family commitments, new job, etc….  Trust me, I got a million of ‘em.  Now before you start whispering “negative opportunistic fair weather fan” let me reassure you, I’ve been a Bomber fan all my life and as I repeatedly indicate every year at this time, I will remain angry until we hoist the Grey Cup again. 

Lyle Bower was once quoted as saying that “Blue Bomber football does not last four quarters, it lasts a lifetime.”  Big Bad Lyle (or the Great Goatee if you prefer) is now out in Cowtown putting his, ahem, stamp on that football club.  Guess a lifetime varies depending on the person.  When you consider his legacy in Winnipeg, perhaps a more representative phrase would be that he’s putting his boots to that organization.  However, that’s another column. 

For the record, I always liked that “lifetime” phrase.  I’m celebrating my 40th birthday this year and for me a lifetime is just that, a lifetime.  I could never switch allegiances no matter how many disappointing Bomber games I’ve seen.  I’ve been a dedicated fan for a long time going back to the days when I’d go to the games and sit on my dad’s lap and consider a successful game based on the number of treats from concessions I got. 

As I have “matured” (yes the quotes are important here), success had more to do with the final score than treats.  Besides, the concessions are exactly the same now as when I first started going about 30+ years ago.  Same steamed hotdogs, stale Styrofoamesque popcorn, etc… nothing has really changed. 

But every year has its promise of glory right!!!  When I said that the final result was important, what I really meant was that a win is a win even when it is ugly.  Our defense could give up 1000 yards in a single game for a total of 60 points against but if the final score was a 61 – 60 win by the Blue; well, there won’t be any Crappy Honker award given that week.  You see “they don’t put pictures on trophies” as my grandfather used to say. 

Each year around this time, all of us in Bomber Nation get the urge to tune the radio to 680am and listen to radio commentary by our friends Bob, Mitch, et all.  We look forward, when allowed, to ask the coach questions on the call in show.  We want the latest on the team and hope that we hear some exciting player signings. 

When we first listen to C-Job after our cranky winter slumber, most listeners first reaction is something like this…. Wow, they are still playing that “Rotten Rudy Roto-Rooter commercial” (seriously, C-Job, you need a new sales team getting new advertising clients).  After that, the season radio narrative usually goes like this: 

Week 1 sees us hopeful and willing to buy into how deep the organizations depth chart is based on paper and paper alone.  By Week 5, we are somehow content that the Blue is 3 – 2 (NOTE: this is usually spelled 2 – 3).  By Week 10 we are saying things like “hey, we are 5 – 5 and in a three way tie for second so we can still make the playoffs.”  By Week 15 it’s either “maybe we should bring back Westwood” OR “We just need a new coach.”  By Week 20, we have years of pent up frustration to unload and spend our time wondering why our last Grey Cup win was 20 years ago.

Could this year may be different?  I’m assuming I’ll still be angry in the Spring due to what would then be a 21 year cup drought.  However, this year we have some notable players and schemes.  For example, for the first time in ages we may even have depth at the quarterback position.  The O-Line should hold.  Defense seems solid.  A good running back, check.  Yes I know the Special Teams needs to get it together fast (See Crappy Honker Award column).  Kicker and punter are at least healthy and neither is named Westwood (bonus point). 

I think we will build on our last year’s record and can at least start moving towards being a legitimate contender for; at minimum, the Easter Conference representative in the big game.  Only time will tell.  Right now we are 1-1 (should be 2-0) and heading into Week 3 to face Hamilton.  Important game.  Blue know it.  Guess there’s only one thing to say now….

GO BOMBERS GO!!!