Angry Bomber Fans

Crappy Honker Award - Buck Pierce

by H.F. Salisbury

In the great tradition of recognizing “Cactus” Jack Wells and the Happy Honker Award given out on C-Job radio here in Winnipeg, I present for you yet another installment of the Happy Crappy Honker Award given to an individual(s) for a fantastic unforgivable performance directly related to the continued floundering of our once beloved Winnipeg Blue Bombers. This award is handed out after every Winnipeg Blue Bomber loss.

During the game, Tee Martin and I were talking as the 10 - 0 lead the Bombers built slowly started slipping away.  At that point I remember saying “The secondary was going to get the Crappy if this keeps up.”  Ultimately they played poorly, but then again so did our punter and our (appropriately  named) offensive line. Odell “The Mayor of Swaggerville” Willis has been completely neutralized for three games going back to the win against Hamilton, and the list goes on and on.  

However, Buck Pierce threw 5 interceptions.  What is worst than brutal? (I have to ask cause he was it.)  Even banged up and injured to the point of having to wear a Flak Jacket to start the second half of the game the Bomber coaches kept him in (hmmmmm… maybe they should get this award).  His passes were always high, wobbly, and set the receiving corps up for some massive hits by the Green Riders.   In the post game interview on C-Job, Bob Irving said that his performance was “the worst display at QB he can remember.”  I’ll say it a different way.  On Sunday, Buck sucked. 

Early reports have Buck not starting in Montreal next week.  I support this too little, too late decision.  He needs to be healthy in order to be better.  And there is no where to go but better for him after that Crap-tastic display.    

C’mon down and collect your award Buck… assuming you are healthy enough to get here and lift it. 

PS… Honorable mention goes to the Hugh McFadyen’s campaign team for that stupid “banner from a helicopter” idea.  It flew over the stadium all afternoon long, but the banner was the size of a Kleenex.  You had to have binoculars to read it.  For more information on the Progressive Conservative Party of Manitoba, click here.    

The Numbers Never Lie - Banjo Bowl

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By Professor Kelly

 Hello Angry Bomber Fans! This week is the Banjo Bowl. Winnipeg will look to avenge their 27-7 loss to their bitter rivals the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Let’s recap the Labour Day game.

Buck Pierce was 20 for 28 with a completion percentage of 71.4, through for 209 yards, no touchdowns or interceptions. He ran 4 times for 19 yards and 1 lost fumble. Alex Brink replaced Pierce late in the game. He was 3 for 7 with a completion percentage of 42.9, through for 25 yards no touchdowns and 1 interception. He ran 2 times for 3 yards.

 Darian Durant was 13 for 21 with a completion percentage of 61.9, through for 232 yards, 3 touchdowns and no interceptions. He ran 6 times for 39 yards.

 Fred Reid ran 14 times for 35 yards with an average of 4 yards per carry and no touchdowns. He also caught 2 passes for 21 yards.

Wes Cates ran 18 times for 45 with an average of 4 yards per carry and no touchdowns.

 The Bombers new receiver Kito Poblah caught 9 passes for 89 yards with an average of 9.9 yards per catch. His longest reception was 25 yards.

 Weston Dressler and Chris Getzlaf combined for 5 receptions, 103 yards receiving and 3 touchdowns. Chris Getzlaf had the longest reception of 38 yards.

 Bombers’ defence only recorded 1 sack by Merrill Johnson and 1 turnover which was a forced fumble by Pierre-Luc Labbé.

 Saskatchewan’s defence recorded 1 sack by Jerrell Freeman, 1 interception and one forced fumble by Jerrell Freeman.

 Bombers kicker Justin Palardy was 2 for 3 with an accuracy of 66.7%

 Chris Milo was 2 for 2 with an accuracy of 100%

 Bombers Punter Mike Renaud punted the ball 7 times for 271 with an average of 38.7 yards per punt. His longest punt was 60 yards.

 Chris Milo punted the ball 7 times for 289 yards with average of 41.3 yards per punt. His longest punt was 53 yards.

 The keys to success:

1)      The Bombers need to sack the quarterback more then just once!

2)      The Offence needs to score touchdowns.

3)      Punt the ball farther, Renuad’s average was 38 yards per kick.

Until next week, Professor Kelly is out.

Clean Up the Mess You Made of Me

Mike A.

I can recall writing cutesy little cliché-ridden garbage about “the calm before the storm” when waking up early and having to cobble together a few disjointed and hopefully coherent words prior to game time last year for the ABF blog. And maybe some of it came from an honest place. As harsh a transition as it is, I enjoy summer turning to fall. The way that the sun is angled in the sky all day long reminds me of one year when I was on the dole and stoned all the time. I would walk around town to and fro without much of a care in the world, bumping into people and occasionally telephone poles. It was great. Every time mid-September rolls around, I am reminded of the sun’s position in the sky and the apartment on Broadway where I met all the Portage and Dauphin kids, a rag tag of crazy people who had all just immigrated to Winnipeg for school. All those days have produced long term and close friendships and while I am no longer 20 years old stumbling through downtown at 10am laughing at nothing very important at all, I still enjoy this time of year. My favorite hoody will become an important part of my wardrobe and the farmers market is selling off the rest of its’ bounty. Nice things come to mind when I think of the season changing.

But not today. The sun was barely up at 6:58 am this morning when I sprung out of bed. I have completed most of my morning routine and I’m here recklessly hammering away on the keyboard and the coffee is finally ready. It’s only 7:30 here at the Ashburn Compound and the music is already loud (2am loud) on account of the fact that the other residents here are out of town until later this afternoon. I am now recalling many years ago when I was okay with chomping down on cigarettes one after the other at this time of day. Those days are long gone, but certainly the desire to launch full bore into this fateful day is present.

I’m fairly livid. Kinda pissed. Not happy. I’m not able to enjoy what is already turning into a nice lookin’ Sunday in mid-September. I’m feeling perhaps what it might feel to be a man on a mission from God. I ran my mouth off last week something fierce about the prospects of a Winnipeg victory in Regina and when it was time to cash in my chips, the most confident entry in the past couple of years ended up smashing me right back in the face. It was a small-time beating at Mosaic Field and while I completely understand that this is the way the CFL works, and that we were due for a loss and that it’s going to be okay man, I angrily hurled the remote across the room with 2:00 left in the 4^th and stormed off to the back patio where we went to lick our wounds and cigarette-butt loaded beer bottles. We weren’t despondent by any means, but we saw a Winnipeg offense that forgot to bring their tent pegs and poles with their tent to the camping trip. The Riders earned that victory and the Ashburn Compound’s arch nemesis got to dance on our faces yet again.

The math is simple. The Bombers had 16 penalties throughout the game for a tongue-swallowing 178 yards, most of which killed drives, and put our starting field position deep in our own end. The Riders had only 5 penalties for 73 yards, most of which happened late in the game when it didn’t really matter anymore. They looked a lot more composed than Winnipeg and so discipline was not an issue for the lowly 2-7 Riders. A lot of people are complaining about the refereeing of the game, weeping in that pathetically high pitched child’s voice about how the refs were obviously biased against the Bombers, calling them for everything and also their apparent missed calls against Saskatchewan. The lamentations of a sore loser, that’s all it is. Hound dogs: Crying all the time. I’m not saying that the reffing wasn’t bad, but more important than a few flubbed calls is the fact that the weaknesses of our offensive line were ran up and down the entire field all afternoon long by the worst defense in the goddamn CFL!

I don’t want to sound any alarms here, but this O crew is a fifth wheel on a unicycle. Last week Uncle Buck was pressured on just about every play, and rarely had time to get into a rhythm with his receivers. The running game was non-existent with practically zero holes for Reid. Not that Fred is physically capable of breaking a tackle to begin with. So that’s a huge problem as well. Is there anyone else available to break tackles from in the box without getting stuffed for 2 yards on the play? Right now the Bombers could really benefit from the services of a crazed ape as far as I’m concerned. If you ask me, the play calling was not creative enough to throw off the Riders, which is a glaring problem here. Consider the week after today’s game. It’s against Montreal. Now exhale. Good grief. No seriously, exhale. Breathe, damn you! That’s better…Changes are needed, as this line has had more than enough time to gel. Winnipeg must learn how to convert the short yards. Brink looks good out there when he is called in, but I just don’t see Pierce being able to rely on the O line to move the chains and that is an issue of confidence that will sink this entire operation this afternoon if left un-tinkered with.

Failed Chicago Bear Andy Fantuz has come back home to Regina, being cut from a professional NFL team to rejoin the 2-7 Riders. Don’t mention that on your resume, Andy F-Hole. You don’t go from being a high powered attorney in the big city to manning a cash register at the 7-11 serving nachos to Dick Assman if you want to make an impact in the world. The CFL is a team effort, not just the work of some Won’t-Be back in town with his tail between his legs. Fantuz is in Swaggerville today and I just can’t shake the feeling that his pivot Darian Durant is going to be smashed all over the field all afternoon long by guys like Joe LoBo and Jonathan Hefney. Will Fantuz be an impact player? Not with Durant getting constantly smeared on the turf under the hot sun while 30,000 screaming fans demand his head on a stake.

We deserve a story along these lines. Across the city, Bomber loyal are waking up to the reality that this game is not the exhibition match last weeks’ Labour Day Classic was. People will be understandably blood spitting mad leaving Maroons Ave. late this afternoon if the O Line doesn’t show up to play. Today is a bit of a defining game for the 7-2 Blue. While a “sure thing” is not part of the CFL lexicon, losing the 2011 rivalry against the Riders is simply not an option here, and going 0-2 heading into Montreal is a psychological nightmare worse than the one I had last night in which I lived in a room at the Osborne Village Inn. It’s a terrible feeling to wake up feeling like you just spent the majority of your REM sleep wishing for death. Message to coach Lapo: I would rather avoid going two sleeps in a row with those feelings, if possible.

But no matter. It’s Banjo Bowl Sunday in Winnipeg. We destroyed those guys last year and then danced in streets, baptizing ourselves knee high in green blood that flowed freely. It’s time for your humble narrator to take it to the East side this afternoon where the pipes are sure to get a good workout as we cheer the Blue & Gold on to another Banjo Bowl massacre at Canad Inns Stadium.  The entire Ashburn crew is looking forward to making the Riders’ last appearance at the old stadium a miserable one and for what its’ worth, I do believe that this afternoon will be a non-stop party as we spend it dancing on Durant and coach Millers’ ugly faces.

Lock and load! GO BLUE!!!

The PacNu Report - Week #11

Ouch, it was a rough, humbling week for our favourite degenerate, as The Pac Attack went a BRUTAL 0-4. Pac knows how the Blue & Gold felt last week after getting destroyed at Mosiac field last Sunday. After a red- hot start, this brings him to 19-18 for the season. Let’s hope he bounces back for week 11.

Pac likes Edmonton and is taking the +2.5 points against Calgary.

With Lemon out and Jyles in, Pac still likes B.C. to cover those -7.5 points.

Over in the Hamilton game, PacNU likes the Cats and the +5.5 points.

For the Banjo Bowl, it’s no surprise (as he has frustratingly done all season) PacNU “The King of Ties” has picked the tie in the followup to the Labour Day Classic.

Good Luck!

Crappy Honker Award

by H.F. Salisbury

In the great tradition of recognizing “Cactus” Jack Wells and the Happy Honker Award given out on C-Job radio here in Winnipeg, I present for you yet another installment of the Happy Crappy Honker Award given to an individual(s) for a fantastic unforgivable performance directly related to the continued floundering of our once beloved Winnipeg Blue Bombers. This award is handed out after every Winnipeg Blue Bomber loss.

Well I am the first to admit that our final record wasn’t likely to be 17 and 1, I am dissatisfied with our effort.  Not only did we lose to the Green Riders, we beat ourselves.  Two losses in one game… now that’s impressive.  What, you don’t agree??? Come on…be honest…did it ever feel like we were in this one???  Nope, and as a result, ohhh baby we have lots of nominations for what is only the second Crappy awarded this year. 

Lowlights include four turnovers and 16 (seriously?!?!!?) penalties for over 170+ yards that we were backed up.  If you were watching, you witnessed Swaggerville turn to Staggerville before your very eyes.  Heck, even the defense looked ordinary.  To date and for the most part, the D has carried this team with it`s consistency, defensive points, and hard hitting all year.  So as a result, “The Crappy” must go to an offensive player and luckily, we have just the candidate.  

While I know rushing is down in the league this year, Fred Reid was brutal.  Our total yards rushing was only 57 yards.  TOTAL, not quarter or half time stat… 57 yards total.  Even crappier, Reid’s 14 carries were for only 35 yards.  For fans of math that’s 2.5 yards a carry and not good enough to be the bench-warmer on some Pop Warner football team.  With no running game, covering the receivers becomes that much easier and presto, recipient for Stinky Staggerville Stew.  Your response may be something like “oh it’s the play calls and Fred needs blocking to create holes in the O-line.”  My retort is you are not an angry enough Bomber Fan and shame on you.  

Sorry Fred Reid… you must do better.  Hell… you can only do better.  

You Sure Got a Purty Mouf a.k.a. The Labour Day Classic!

Mike A.

It’s hard to talk about the product that the 2011 Saskatchewan Roughriders have fielded week after week without collapsing in fits of uncontrollable laughter. And when I say laughter, I mean a loud, rude and totally inappropriate shrill booming sound that fills an entire room. Imagine if the food court staff from Taco Time assembled a squad and stepped in to replace the Riders while the leading roles of “From Justin To Kelly” Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini took over as coaching staff. The new team mascots would be white rappers from Regina. Everyone in the crowd…their own grandfather. It’s a nightmare to even consider for longer than a second or two. But this near-reality is the stage that has been set over the course of the season. And it is fucking ugly to look at.

Presently in Regina, the general feeling is that suicide is an alternative to what’s been taking to the field at Mosaic Stadium. And who can possibly blame the lowly and gob smacked Rider Nation for wanting to corpse out, who are already blacked out drunk and who will be cheering for the absolute worst team in the entire league this afternoon. It’s the Labour Day Classic and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers are in town to push people around, rough up the sad sack populace and urinate openly in the streets. I mean, who cares? This fuckin’ thing isn’t even fit to be called the Labour Day Classic. This is the “You Got a Purty Mouf” classic and the hosting team’s bus is currently on blocks while the houses in the one-horse town are all on wheels.

It was painfully obvious that Rider pivot Darian Durant had a little too much of his pappy’s moonshine before game time last week, a habit that he has picked up in a big way this year. Is there a worse QB in the league right now? I don’t think so. Durant is the master of incomplete passing. He is personally responsible for 6 fumbles this year as well as a whopping 9 interceptions. Overall, the Riders have the distinction of possessing a league high 21 turnovers this year. They are also last in the league in points scored.  Last week, they amassed an incredible 99 yards in penalties against the Argos. They are just shy of 650 yards in penalties so far this year. Have there been sparks of life? Sure. But Durant isn’t able to play two quarters of football, never mind a whole game. It must have made Rider brass barf into their floppy hats because shortly after the Riders’ laughable finish in Toronto, heads rolled.

Greg Marshall, a man that once stunk up Maroons road was axed, a whole 8 weeks into his 3 year contract. And then offensive coordinator Doug Berry, another idiot also not fit to stink up Canad Inns stadium, was fired as well. Fans were tired of his mastery of the 2 and out and the dropped 40 yard pass. So you have Rider management finally understanding why Winnipeg was so eager to ship off these two balloon heads, but the damage has been done and Saskatchewan is back smack in the Stone Age, where with the exception of a couple years, they have spent the last twenty – in the basement of the Western division. If Marshall and Berry came out at some point today and announced they had been on Winnipeg’s payroll the whole time, it would make more sense than them trying to account for all the mistakes they made since taking on the Riders. If they were somehow intentional about the complete and utter destruction of the Saskatchewan franchise, it would make sense.

Let’s be clear about the kicking situation in Saskatchewan. If you thought Troy Westwood stunk, you’d be right. Also, get a load of Christopher Milo. Now that guy stinks. He missed 2 of three field goals last week including a tiny little 27 yard chip shot, one that any kicker in the league can complete in their sleep.

This team stinks to high hell. This season can be summed up in a tangled yarn of miscues, bad play calling and even worse penalties. The Riders are comprised of washed up old timers and fat trimmed from other teams. The Riders suffer from a complete lack of talent right now. Who is considered to be their top weapons? Dressler and Getzlaf have both received enough coverage all year long that they can’t possibly be considered to be playmakers today or any other time either. The tape teams look at week after week when studying the Riders looks about the same. A few lousy shovel passes and non-stop 2 and outs while Berry and Marshall amuse themselves with piles of fecal matter on the sidelines. It seems that Rider energy will be provided by ordained Minister Barrin Simpson who has publically threatened to punch CEO of Swaggerville Odell Willis in the mouth this afternoon. Sounds an awful lot like Hamilton’s Dave Stala, who ran for his life with his tail between his legs last week in Winnipeg after Swaggerville was finished picking at his bones. Lots of tough talk from teams with miserable records and no prospects of success this year.

Pathetic.

Look, the fact of the matter is that the Bombers are due for a loss. They will not lose the season with 1 loss on their record. The stakes are high considering this is the LDC. Winnipeg has lost this game every year since 2004, so there is the issue of pride that is on the line here. If in some bizarre and completely unreasonable scenario the Riders are able to magically pull off this upset, I think I will be fine with it. To me, the game is meaningless. The Riders are not factors in the CFL this year, no matter what coaches Justin and Kelly tell you. So this afternoon is essentially an exhibition match in preparation for the Alouettes in two weeks time from now. Winnipeg have yet to face Anthony Calvillo this year, and Anthony is beginning to show that he might just be a mere human being after all. But that’s not important right now.

If Saskatchewan come within 20 points of the Bombers this afternoon, I will eat watermelon for dinner. For the next week.

So let’s fill those coolers and get that BBQ good and fired up. Over here at the Ashburn compound, the soundtrack to our LDC bash will be loud and proud. We expect Swaggerville to be in full effect. It’s the end of summer and it makes sense to enjoy every last ray of sunshine we can before the home stretch to the playoffs. It’s time for a hillbilly bashing, and Rider Nation is our prey. We will take the fight to every last bubblegum jean wearin’ crimped hair scumbag we see in the streets…we will burn their Mondetta sweaters in piles…and anyone we don’t deal with today will be treated to the most vile and offensive finish of all time…next weeks’ Banjo Bowl in Winnipeg. Things in Swaggerville couldn’t be looking better than they are right now.

So let the slaughter begin. Go Blue!

The PacNu Report - Week #10

PacNu was 2-0 last week, landing him at a respectable 19-14 for the season.

In the first game of the long weekend, Pac likes the Boatmen over BC for a Proline win.

On Sunday, it’s not surprise, the “King of Ties”is once again picking the tie in the Winnipeg game. Paid off last week.

Montreal over Hamilton for the Proline win.

Calgary over Edmonton in the final game of the weekend for the Proline win.

Good luck! Go Blue.

The Numbers Never Lie

Our youngest writer, Professor Kelly, is back after getting lost in the bush and missing his deadline last game. We also noticed that the Sun has a game day feature called The Numbers Game, so we changed the name of his column so they didn’t sue the poor Professor.

by Professor Kelly

Hello Angry Bomber Fans! This week we will be looking at the stats for the Labour Day match up between your Winnipeg Blue Bombers (7-1) and the Saskatchewan Roughriders (1-7). The Bombers look to maintain the best record in the CFL. The Roughriders look to gain there second win of the season and to leave the basement of the CFL.

Let us start with the quarterbacks. For your Blue Bombers, Buck Pierce, he is 132 for 206 with a completion percentage of 64.1, 1804 passing yards, 187 rushing yards, 10 touchdowns and 6 interceptions. For Saskatchewan, Darian Durant, he is 168 for 262 with a completion percentage of 64.1, 2040 passing yards, 208 rushing yards, 10 touchdowns and 9 interceptions.

 For the running backs the Roughriders have Wes Cates. He has 217 rushing yards on 41 attempts with an average of 5.3 yards per carry and 3 touchdowns. Winnipeg has Fred Reid. He has 550 yards on 135 attempts with an average of 4.1 yards per carry and 2 touchdowns.

 For the receivers Saskatchewan is lead by Weston Dressler. He has 606 receiving yards with 44 catches and 3 touchdowns. The Blue Bombers receivers are lead by Terrence Edwards, with 513 receiving yards, 27 catches and 6 touchdowns.

 The Winnipeg defensive line is lead by Odell Willis with 14 tackles and 9 sacks. Saskatchewan is lead by Keith Shologan with 13 tackles and 2 sacks.

 The Blue Bombers secondary is lead by Jonathan Hefney with 40 tackles, 1 sack and 2 interceptions. The Roughriders are lead by James Patrick with 17 tackles and 2 interceptions.

 The Roughriders kicker is Eddie Johnson. He is 10 for 14 with an accuracy percentage of 71.4 and with 46 total points. For Winnipeg, Justin Palardy, he is 21 for 28 with an accuracy percentage of 75.0 and with 85 total points.

 The Bombers punter is Mike Renaud. He has punted the ball 69 times for 2 942 yards with an average of 42.6 yards and 4 singles. For the Roughriders, Eddie Johnson, he has punted the ball 41 times for 1 706 yards with an average of 41.6 and 3 singles.

Buck Pierce is 7^th in the league in passing yards. Darrian Durant is 5^th in the league in passing.

 Fred Reid is 2^nd in the league in rushing and Wes Cates is 10^th.

Terrence Edwards is 9^th in receiving and Weston Dressler is 3^rd.

Odell Willis is 1^st in the league for sacks and Keith Shologan is 24^th.

Jonathan Hefney is 6^th in interceptions and James Patrick is 7^th.

Justin Palardy is 1^st in points scored and Eddie Johnson is 8^th.

Mike Renaud is 4^th in punting average and Eddie Johnson is 6^th.

The Bombers are 3^rd in points for with 212 and Saskatchewan is in last with 165

The Bombers defence is 2^nd with 157 points against and Saskatchewan is in last with 253.

 These team never fail to entertain. Until next week, Professor Kelly is out.

The PacNu Report - Week #9

PacNu went 1-1 last week to bring his total to 17-13.

This week PacNu is picking a tie in the Swaggerville game and going with Calgary in the second game.

Good luck.