Glamourous Movie Stars with Totally Retarded Publicists
By Mike A.
For some reason my partner had to leave the house bright and early on November 1st 2008. I recall her coming back to tell me a few amusing little stories about the “used up whores”, making their way home on foot after a Halloween night out in their sexy nurse, fairy and bunny costumes. You could tell who they were. They walked with bow legs, with their makeup smeared, their crumpled outfits sagging and stained with alcohol and various other substances. They lumbered through neighborhoods they had no real business being in with vapid and pained expressions on their faces, horribly smeared masks of human suffering and shame that had just woken up in a pile of vomit on the bathroom floor. Twisted ankles, broken heels, chipped teeth, stolen money. It all seems like just another day for the hard living and unholy on their endless quest for a nice strong bar tab to warm themselves up next to.
Its days like this where the CFL reveals its true colours. The playoff picture as it stands this morning affects me as if a rabid peacock just unfurled its grandiose plumage. As it turns out every game has mattered this year. The East could go almost any way. It’s mesmerizing and beautiful to take in, but sadly, this fanned, iridescent blue-green or green coloured plumage in addition to being part of the courtship process, is also used to warn of danger or to ward off threats. What will happen today and how will it affect the future? Questions like this are what make the league interesting. What is guaranteed is that remaining games for teams like Edmonton, Winnipeg and Hamilton will be savage beatings from which some will not rise from.
The floundering Winnipeg Blue Bombers hang on to life by hardly anything at this point. As a result of Hamilton’s unexpected whipping of the Saskatchewan Roughriders last night, a Bomber win tomorrow would kick Edmonton out of the cross over spot unless Edmonton wins next week. Potentially, we could lose to Hamilton and still secure the last playoff spot. A loss tomorrow means the Hamilton game will be won or we will not make the playoffs at all.
I have been careful to hold back on discussing the playoffs because anyone else with half a brain has been blathering on about the playoff picture for weeks. But now with the Bombers improved fortunes as of late and the fact that this game is crucial, it seems that there really isn’t much else to concern ones self with at this point anymore. There is a rushing title up for grabs, but it’s all so meaningless if the Bombers fall on their swords.
It was made formal on Friday morning that Al’s star quarterback Anthony Calvillo will return this week. Coach Trestman must understand that the front line can not be rested even though this weeks’ match is meaningless to the Al’s. Calvillo is exciting to watch. As 2008’s Player of the Year and ranked fourth in all time passing yards in the league, Calvillo has enjoyed whipping the snot out of teams like the Bombers for several years now. After watching his team being heavily dismantled in Winnipeg last week must have been tough on the old cunt. All bets are on that he’ll be itching for his revenge.
Frankly, I don’t think we can do this without Michael Bishop. Without him, the receivers need not show up and the O line will be run into and buried under cleat-stomped shallow graves in the Bombers end zone all afternoon long. The very thought of it makes me want to vomit 3 double vodka crantini’s in the sink but the highly structured and dynamic Alouette Offensive line can quickly tie you into so many knots, all there will be left to do is to stuff a hundred dollar bill in your mouth after you’ve been put to sleep.
Match that kind of poise that Calvillo exhibits week after week with Bishop’s rocket launching arm, and suddenly this could turn out to be a gun fight with both teams trading scores in a match that could see both teams stomping 30 points out of each other.
I have said it at least once this year. Montreal needs to stay focused. This game is no different with the exception that a loss against Winnipeg this afternoon will likely result in a re-match against the Bombers in November. Winnipeg has been building confidence in the last third of the season and are likely hungry for a chance to smack the living daylights out of the Alouettes a second time in as many weeks. The Bombers are four and one in their last five. This kind of outrage requires the kind of disciplined play that Winnipeg has struggled with for years. Without Bishop’s leadership I just can’t see it happening.
We’re either going to win an extremely tough offensive battle this afternoon or else we will wake up in someone’s filthy aqua blue coloured bathroom tomorrow with a head pulsating from the extremely unpleasant physiological effects of living just another day in Bomberville, staring down a lonely journey home, feeling flush, nauseous and with an overwhelming sense of dejection and failure.
