You Know Who Sucks? BTO and BC Sucks!
Mike Alexander
If there is something about August 13th that is important in the history of mankind, I think it would have to do with that one fateful day in 1977 when Randy Bachman decided that he was done playing in BTO. Early in the year, the band had released its 6th and most mediocre effort, the “Freeways” album, a terrible decision that ended up triggering the ultimate unraveling of one of the cities’ most embarrassing exports. It was the end of the line for a bunch of soft egomaniac fucks who have been riding on one or two dinosaur rock tunes on the AM station for much, much too long for the delight of ancient blowhards, who all take turns bragging about having gone to high school with Bachman, whose white beards are nowhere near as tobacco stained as Larry Updike’s, but who still manage to occupy too much space with their loud, idiotic voices. The years of commercial failure that have dogged Bachman since ’77 have been relatively cruel but fair. Between non-stop lawsuits with former band members, failed reunions and horrible business decisions, Bachman only has reissues of his best selling music, having realized that he is utterly incapable of writing his way out of a wet paper bag. So instead of even trying, he chooses to dust off his crappy old collection on 45’s, telling his old lame stories on the air for the umpteenth time, putting his en-dentured fans to sleep at 5pm on Sunday nights on CBC Radio.
My how the times change, don’t they? Why, just consider the 2010 Winnipeg Blue Bomber season. Seems like a distant memory, bout as irrelevant and unremarkable as the downward trajectory of Randy Bachman’s music career. How things change indeed over the course of 34 years…
You see, here on August 13th, 2011 you are free to take a look at the standings in the eastern division of the Canadian Football League. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers find themselves in first place in the East for the first time in, well…a very long time. With a record of 5-1 headed to Vancouver to take on the BC Lions on Saturday night, it might actually take a few minutes to separate the wheat from the chaff instead of just talkin’ chaff. And going into week 7 of the year, the positive effect on the local populace has ensured that the number of vicious decapitations committed by 15 year olds remains proportional to our population. People are starting to feel good about the production that we are seeing on the field. It’s starting to get crazier than a GG Allin show out there. Games are selling out and people are going hoarse in the stands while on the field, opposing team members are ending up in the Misericordia ER at the half. The message has been sent from Winnipeg to the rest of the league: If you come here to play, you are going to get hurt.
Cory Watson has emerged as Buck Pierce’s go-to guy, and Watson is looking more than able to manage the load. He is on track for a 1000 yard season, and this city tends to re-name streets in honour of those kinds of guys, especially considering that Watson is a Canadian. Clarence Denmark is also having a great year. He can escape from more shit than Indiana Jones because of his speed and his hands that unlike Perry Floyd who was released early this week, can actually catch a ball. And then rounding out a short and incomplete list of guys that I would like to mention, there is the always surprising Buck Pierce. At the Ashburn compound, the old lady has remarked that there has been less moaning and groaning in total despair this season as we see what Buck can actually do with the ball. He has completed just about everything asked of him so far this year and has thrown in a couple unexpected tricks as well, like staying healthy for as long as he has despite a number of cheap shots and late hits. It hasn’t been his fault that the O Line has been so sluggish in turning up for football games. But the offense is starting to tune into his leadership, and in turn, creating highlight reel footage as well as a couple of convincing wins.
Defensively, this team is simply titanic. The Bombers have registered the most quarterback sacks in the league by far so far this year. The Bombers have also given up the least amount of points; last time I checked it was around 130 points in six games. The D line is truly a beast to behold. Instances of internal bleeding, concussions, wishes for death and regrets at having been born have been the Bombers’ weekly gifts to opposing teams. It’s been brutal out there and as a result of night after night of punishment being doled out by guys like Hefney and Willis, life in Swaggerville isn’t too shabby.
Speaking of Hefney, look for the matchup between him and Geroy Simon all night long. With Doug Brown out again this week, Winnipeg will need to protect against the BC run. One wouldn’t suppose that Arland Bruce would be much of a factor, having just showed up in town from Hamilton to start playing with the Lions, but you never know with that crazy weirdo. He has always seemed to have a look of a madman in his eye…considering his new team is winless in their last four outings…I hesitate to dismiss him as a non-factor. Has he has enough time to learn BC’s timing? We shall see.
Out with the old and in with the new. There is nothing more refreshing than seeing the 2011 Bombers click as well as they have headed into this weekends’ match. For us it’s a huge deal. We plan on enjoying seeing plays that the Bombers haven’t been able to complete in years. And watching an entire 4 quarters of football with no let-up, faltering or bad penalties. We can’t wait to see a confident offense marching down the field all night long, while making BC’s Travis Lulay pay dearly for every play he calls. The Bombers have clearly left the very idea of assholes like Randy Bachman and such washed up garbage in the past where they belong, never to get in the way of a fresh idea or new set of eyes ever again.
We are just past the first third of the season and it feels nice to lift ones’ head high enough to look forward to a convincing win in BC. Considering how the entire team appears to be on the same page and enjoying it, this game belongs to Winnipeg while BC starts to ponder coaching changes in an effort to stop the bleeding. The Bombers dine on the Lions while dog-eared BTO records collect dust in Value Village record bins. Insert shitty BTO reference/song title here.
Go Blue!
