Be Prepared to be Awed By People Who Own Teeth
Mike A.
We all have those people on the periphery of our lives who are annoying, stupid and who have a strange and unfounded sense of entitlement. They bray like asses, they act as though they are at the frontlines, when they are really just hiding in a bunker where they behave with the most passive aggressive of temperaments. Their cheap shots never really carry any weight, but there they are, opening their mouths and making sounds for reasons that are never really understood by the rest of us. It’s like listening to one of those purse dogs all day long. These Muppet-brained creatures are fucking annoying at best but completely incapable of breaking the skin with their dull, tiny teeth. These loudmouthed people who haven’t been around long enough to hang their hat are attempting to make a name for themselves by pretending that they are worth more than a coat rack when it’s just plainly not true. Sometimes it’s best to simply shut ones’ mouth and take the time to get a feel for the playing field before telling everyone within barking distance what time it is and how shit is going to go down.
Take the case of Hamilton Ti-Cat Dave Stala. During the bye week that many of us here liken to having been trapped in a Chilean mine, Stale Dave spent some free time running his mouth about Swaggerville, Manitoba in an interview with TSN. He was talking about how Winnipeg is a cartoon, that Hamilton is going to roll into town and win a football game, and that basically everyone in Winnipeg would fuck their own mothers for a nickel. It’s appalling and unforgivable and when you take a look at a few realities of the 2011 Ti-Cat season, it’s also completely unfounded and wrong.
There are some matters that Stinky Stale Dave needs to take a good hard look at. The Hamilton defense is not really the Walmart greeter than Stala seems to claim it is. They hover dead in the water in the middle of the league in points allowed, at 25 per game. And the three teams below them — B.C., Toronto and Saskatchewan — have won a total of what? Five games between them? Also, anyone who can spell “football” understands that a successful defense will always rank among the league leaders in sacks and/or interceptions. But there are the Kitty Cats with only a dozen sacks, just two more than fellow sad sacks Toronto and Calgary and a whopping 17 behind the Bombers. And let’s talk interceptions too…the Cats have only made five picks all season long, which is less than half of the Bombers’ 11. A fucking cartoon indeed. An additional 500 seats have been erected at Canad Inns stadium tonight to watch the funnies. Can’t help but to get the feeling that in this animated laugh riot, that it’s going to make the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” video look like a turtle escaping from its home and making a beeline across state lines in a desperate, 93 year long bid for freedom.
And I’m not even done yet. Look at the last two games that the Cats recently played against Toronto and Calgary. How many interceptions and sacks? Zero. Nada. Not one. And so without an established defense, a team that gives up over 30 points a game has no business opening their gaping maw to talk about how Winnipeg is a fucking cartoon.
Anyways, Kevin Glenn, Hamilton pivot, and pain in the ass extraordinaire is back in town with a pocket full of lunch money. Yes, that old bastard is back and he spent much of last year making me angrily pull the hair piece off head before throwing it to the ground with an overhead swing and then stomping it into the dirt in an undignified rage. He continues to possess a quick draw in the pocket that will catch many off guard. His short dumps and his ability to throw bullets are worth mentioning if he feels that he has time to see a play through. He also likes those crossing routes across the middle which to me seems like an awfully good way to get guys like Stale Dave hurt bad. In Swaggerville, crossing routes are a terrible idea and many players end up hauled off the field by the teams’ medical staff wishing they were never born. Will Glenn be able to find the composure he needs? Will Stala even be a factor? Glenn doesn’t respond well to pressure and if tonight turns into a sack and pick party for the Winnipeg D, expect the 4th quarter to be a long fifteen minutes for a broken down and washed up Keystone Ti Kats.
With the prospect of Buck Pierce passing some beautiful TD’s to just about anyone in a jersey that is blue and gold sounds absolutely delightful. We look forward to seeing guys like Edwards, Denmark, Watson and yes, the returning Greg Carr working hard all night long. It’s going to be Carr for all the deepest, most radical of all catches as Winnipeg picks apart Hamilton’s cartoonish secondary.
In the interest of playing it objectively, Winnipeg will need to keep tabs on the Hamilton front 7. It’s hard to complain about the Bomber O Line anymore when we are the best team in the league. At this point, some folks might laugh the Ti Cat front line, but if the Bombers decide to shit the bed this week for reasons that seem improbable, look to our O Line failing as a good reason why.
Here at the Ashburn compound, we like it loud. We can hear the fans going absolutely crazy over here, we can hear the cannon blasting at every score and we can feel the energy coming from the massacre on Maroons. It’s a nice counterbalance to the cheap mouthpieces in dire need of a public forum to spout their lousy and cartoonish opinions and idiotic remarks. All season long, Swaggerville has been slowly gathering speed on account of the talk on the field, not in front of a microphone. The rest of the league finally understands that playing Winnipeg is now a nightmarish prospect. The Bombers are out there having fun and feeling good. The defensive coordination is phenomenal and almost legendary. But Stale Dave has rattled the garbage cans and set the mood here in this lousy nothing to lose town where people have been gnashing their teeth in disgust for far too long. It’s time for a four quarter feasting of divisional rivals that will be a meal most enjoyed by everyone here in Swaggerville.
Go Blue!!
